Self-Esteem

Self-esteem – it seems to be an issue for a lot of people, women especially. Self-esteem affects all your relationships, your ability to parent – basically everything you do. Low self-esteem is behind many crimes, teen pregnancies and substance abuse. It prevents people from trying to advance their careers, causes depression and keeps women in abusive relationships.

Our self-esteem was passed on to us by our parents, teachers, and society. If your parents told you that you weren’t smart – why would you grow up to believe you can do such things as have a successful career? If you’re told you’re not pretty, you will most likely attach yourself to someone who confirms those beliefs by making you feel unattractive. If we are raised in negativity and criticism, we begin to echo those emotions in our own personal beliefs and seek out other people and situations that validate those negative feelings – and low self esteem.

What is self-esteem? It can be different things to different people but Arlene Kagle; Ph.D sums it up as "the good feelings we get when we approve of ourselves and our own actions, the way we are dealing with life." Self-esteem is really self-love and feeling like you are a valuable person.

How do you get self-esteem? Tell the universe what you want – I am a good person, I am in a good relationship, I am successful in my career, I am a good spouse, mother, friend…etc etc. Believe in it and repeat it often. When doubts creep into your head that you are not the things you desire to be, contact a friend that you can confide in and seek validation from him or her.

When you start to get the "I can’t" or "I’m not good enough" voices in your head – STOP – and change those thoughts to an "I CAN" or "I AM GOOD ENOUGH"! The more you do it the more you will begin to see yourself in a positive light – and your self-esteem will increase.

Other helpful suggestions are to make lists of all your positive attributes. It’s hard to feel like a failure when you have a list of things you have accomplished or are good at doing. Some people also find keeping a journal helpful. Keep it handy and every time something positive happens – write it in your journal. If you have a negative feeling – stop and write the opposite positive feeling in your journal. At night, before going to bed, write down all your successes for the day- write down that you are good enough, that you are smart, beautiful, a good mother – whatever it is that is important to YOU!

First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt once wrote – "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You are superior!!